You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
