State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
