He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
