Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just threw up on my dentist
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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