i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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