now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize