if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
