its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
