I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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