Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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