there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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