I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
