his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
