Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
