I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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