for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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