i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
