She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
