Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
