dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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