TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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