you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
