Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
