I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize