Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
