I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
