well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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