All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
