it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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