She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
