I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
