Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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