the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
