I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize