did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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