I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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