I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
