My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
