Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
