I'm pants shitting drunk right now
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
