So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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