Its about making memories worth repressing
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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