someone owes me an orgasm
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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