Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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