we have officially lost it.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
