I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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