Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
