i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
