those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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