i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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