That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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