I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
