New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
