I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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