If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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