i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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