i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
