I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
