Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
