i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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