so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
