matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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