Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
