This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
